[00:00:00] Speaker A: Have you found that diets promise you control, clarity and confidence, but all too often they deliver the exact opposite.
For many highly sensitive Christian women, diets come with hidden costs. Disconnection from our bodies, exhaustion from trying to do it right, and confusion about who we can actually trust.
In today's episode, guest co host Brandice Lardner and I have an honest, grace filled conversation about how food became a primary coping tool for so many of us at such a young age, why dieting typically backfires, and what it looks like to pursue your health without pressure, fear or shame.
So if you're ready to reframe your relationship with food through the lens of grace instead of rigid rules, this conversation is a great place to start.
Welcome to Grit and Grace, the podcast for highly sensitive Christian women.
I'm your host, Sherry Gregory.
Are you tired of the overthinking, overwhelm and exhaustion that can come with being a highly sensitive person?
Are you ready to stop worrying that someone something's wrong with you and start understanding and nurturing yourself as an hsp?
Together we'll build resilience, practice self compassion, set healthy boundaries, unlock your creativity, and learn to embrace, not fight, your God given sensitivity.
Let's dig in.
Hey friend, I'm glad that you're here with me today.
You know, so many of the highly sensitive Christian women I work with have been taught explicitly or implicitly that paying attention to our bodies is selfish or self indulgent, that being a woman of faith means overriding our physical sensations and emotional responses.
And over time, many of us end up becoming disconnected from our bodies altogether.
When we're conditioned to ignore what's happening inside us. Whether it's hunger or fullness or emotional overwhelm, food can slowly become something it was never meant to be, a primary coping tool.
Now there's a word for that inner awareness. It's called interoception, which is just a fancy term for noticing what's going on inside your own body.
And for many of us, that awareness has been mistrusted and muted for a very long time.
But what if learning to notice what's happening inside you is actually an act of wisdom and even a demonstration of faith?
Well, today I'm thrilled to introduce you to my longtime friend and more recent coaching client, Brandice Lardner. Her debut book, Fully Nourished A Grace filled Approach to Ditch diets and find peace with food in your Body releases next week.
As you'll hear today and over the next several weeks, Brandeis offers a powerful, deeply freeing approach, especially for those of us who have struggled with eating disorders, disordered eating, rigid food rules, and the fear, guilt and shame that can feel so self perpetuating and self punishing.
Brandice Lardner is a personal fitness trainer, nutrition coach, and Jesus girl who loves to share how her relationship with God has brought her the peace with food that she searched for in just about every diet.
Now she shares hope and encouragement on her blog Grace Filled Plate, where she helps Christian women ditch the diet mindset and find food freedom through their relationship with Jesus Christ.
Brandice shares mindful eating practices where healthy choices are made from a want to rather than a legalistic have to.
Brandice, welcome to Grit and Grace.
I'd love to start by inviting you to share a bit of your own story and what led you to write Fully nourished?
[00:04:18] Speaker B: Oh boy. Well, there's versions and lengths of story.
[00:04:21] Speaker C: Go for it.
We are here for it all.
[00:04:25] Speaker A: We don't need.
[00:04:25] Speaker C: Long story short, as hsps, we love backstory. So share whatever you'd like to share.
[00:04:31] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely.
So, you know, it starts with me wondering if I got into the health and fitness scene because I had a passion for it or because I was trying to fix myself. You know, it's not always clear why we start ventures, but I went on my first diet when I was a preteen. I grew up in the era of the supermodel and you know, kids these days want to be influencers, but I wanted to be a supermodel. And so I went on my first diet at a very young age. And I believe that that such like a formative mentally but also physical stage completely wrecked me hormonally, emotionally and mentally at that age. And we're not talking little diets. Like I went right for it with a crash diet. And you know, it's funny, diets are one of the only areas where we have a problem and then we try to fix the problem with the same problem. Because I kept going from one diet to the next, trying to right my relationship with food and trying to manage my emotional eating that was all wrapped up in this. Like I didn't know which way was up. And so as I sought solutions and kept getting to dead end after dead end, it became clear that I needed something different. And I mean, this story takes me from Overeaters Anonymous to traditional diet books, counselors, therapists, and even inpatient treatment, but still it was just like nothing. Nothing. And the Lord revealed to me that even in my more virtuous like business biblical pursuits, I was still trying to do this Whole freedom thing on my own strength.
And so I turned even, like, therapy or a Bible study into a diet where it was like, I have to do this a certain way, and if I don't forget it, it's not going to work. And the more that I really dove into God's unconditional love and grace, I saw the way that it transforms my heart and mind and then gave me a little breathing room to do the thing that I actually wanted to do all along, which is to care for myself in a way that was, like, kind, but also helped me meet my, like, physical goals of, like, having energy. And of course, when I was younger, it was all about weight, but the older I get, the more it's about sort of longevity and how I feel.
And so this morphed into a blog for me. Like, I did it professionally and then a program. And I just saw how. I mean, even in the first couple of weeks, right. Women's lives and minds started to shift as they went from pushing themselves and being all about us and how we do to putting all the burden of our change onto God's shoulders and really seeking him and doing what they can and showing up. And so I felt like I have to share this message with more people. And so a book just seemed like that next natural step. And going out to those writers conferences and all that and seeing that my message did actually resonate with people, yeah, Led me to go on that journey. And so here I am and just so pumped that God is already opening up doors, like, here, being able to speak with you, to share this message of, like, hope with women, because I believe that's what we need. Is that hope?
[00:08:06] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. I'm sure many listeners have been nodding along as you were talking about all the different diet and books and approaches and that sort of thing.
So what makes your approach different from what is out there already?
[00:08:22] Speaker B: It feels to me like dieting is. You're gonna love this example. It's kind of like Mexican food.
[00:08:28] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:08:28] Speaker B: It's like, the same ingredients, but they just flip it around a different way.
[00:08:32] Speaker A: Right.
[00:08:32] Speaker B: It's like the same thing. Restrict wave measure. Like, so many rules.
And rules don't transform hearts and minds. In fact, we need our autonomy back. And in. In my years of working with women. Oh, they're amazing. You know, your clients are. To your listeners are, too. They're like, I mean, we have CEOs of corporations and homes. Like, we have women who run ministries who, like, keep their house clean and pay their bills. But when it comes to things like eating and exercise. For some reason, we've just felt like we are incapable of making those decisions. And that's what diets capitalize on. That's what all those books are telling you. You don't know. Listen to me.
And my book is different because yes, I'll give you tips and tools, but they are inspiration to spur on your beautiful brain to pray about it with the wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit on how to move forward.
And diets try to change the outside. And I thought it too, like, if I could just follow the diet, then I'll have a good relationship with food. But it never worked that way. And so we start to change the way we think and interact with food. We go from a mindset of restriction to a place of abundance and gratitude. We go away from that all or nothing thinking to the ability to start fresh any bite. And we go away from that detrimental like body image mindset to one where we're seeing our bodies as the vehicle to do the amazing things God has called us to do. And listen, it's okay to still want to be cute, it's okay to want to lose weight, but we've got to keep it beneath our desire to serve God. Right? We can't hold it at higher than that. And that's really right. It's the exact opposite of everything diet books are doing.
And I think that's why it works so well.
[00:10:33] Speaker C: Yeah, well, okay. I love that you use the word autonomy. That's become really important to me lately. Longtime Grit and Grace listeners will know that Amy and I used to joke.
[00:10:42] Speaker A: About being control freaks. And then a few years ago, I was like, I'm not using the word control.
[00:10:46] Speaker C: First of all, I'm not using the word freak anymore. I mean, why I ever thought that was okay, I don't know.
[00:10:51] Speaker A: But I also realized instead of calling myself a control freak or using the word control, I was a person seeking safety.
[00:10:57] Speaker C: And really what it came down to is I was seeking some basic autonomy in areas that I was either unaware or truly didn't have. Autonomy. And so something that's become really important to me lately, and I'm guessing this is something that you work with, is.
[00:11:12] Speaker A: The whole idea of self trust. So I'm going to ask you to.
[00:11:15] Speaker C: Speak on that because I was raised.
[00:11:18] Speaker A: With the scripture, Trust in the Lord.
[00:11:20] Speaker C: With all thy heart and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.
[00:11:28] Speaker A: And so to learn to.
[00:11:31] Speaker C: I'm going to say it slowly because.
[00:11:32] Speaker A: It still comes out so hard. Trust myself in this very core area.
[00:11:41] Speaker C: Of my life has been a struggle. Do you see that in the women that you work with? And you know, what's. Where does self trust fit into all of this?
[00:11:51] Speaker B: Oh, it's such a big deal.
And you know, it's hard because diets give us unrealistic expectations. I mean, it's the equivalent of saying, like, I'm gonna run a marathon tomor tomorrow, right? Like, I would never do that to myself. And so we go from eating Ho Hos and Twinkies on Sunday to like trying to eat broccoli and chicken on Monday, and it's just not cool. Like, we wouldn't do that to anybody else. And so that unrealistic expectation has set us up for failure and a lack of self trust because we, we commit, man, we're like, I really want to do this, but because we think it's the way we really are all in, but we can't keep doing it. And so this constant making promises and failing and making promises and failing, and it's awful. I mean, when I put those two pieces together, it was like so eye opening for me because my top values are integrity, honesty, reliability.
And I was doing all of the opposite things with food. And it was no wonder that it felt so, so icky and rebuilding that trust, right? Not necessarily self reliance, because we don't have the strength, right? But that trust in ourselves. I believe the Lord wants that for us. And that's the fruit of the spirit, faithfulness, right? Like, we want to be faithful people and discipline people. Not white knuckling, like externally kind of a Pharisee mindset of like making ourselves do it. But to have a heart that wants to please God and having that self trust is really important because we're with ourselves all the time and we need to be able to encourage ourselves. Just like the psalmist said, encourage yourself in the Lord. No, you're not perfect.
No, you're never gonna knock it out of the park every single day. But you can trust that you want to do your best. Like, that's the beauty. We want to do it. We won't get there all the time. But knowing that that's enough for God, it can be enough for us too. And so, yeah, I totally get your perspective where that's coming from. And the weight of that verse that could feel freeing and yet burdensome depending on the voice that is speaking it to you is really eye opening for me as well.
[00:14:16] Speaker C: Well, when I'm hearing you saying about the diets is we as women, especially Christian women, I think, have been so programmed and conditioned to seek external solutions. You know, this is one area where we chase the latest guru or expert or whatever you want to call them. And so the idea that, you know, this is so personal. We know our own bodies, you know, as we start learning to listen to them. I think, you know, that the whole idea of interoception is fairly new to me.
[00:14:44] Speaker A: To be able to listen to even.
[00:14:45] Speaker C: What my stomach is telling me, whether it's hungry or is too full and stuff, stuff like that, that is still relatively new to me in many hsps.
[00:14:55] Speaker A: No external expert or even a friend.
[00:14:58] Speaker C: Or family member who's like, why didn't you finish your plate?
[00:15:01] Speaker A: They can't be the expert on what's.
[00:15:03] Speaker C: Going on inside of us. And the messages that our God created, God given bodies are sending to us. I think for many of us it's a new idea to not turn straight to the experts, but to lean on God and listen to how he might be speaking within us. I love that.
[00:15:27] Speaker A: Well, you wrote that nobody ever told.
[00:15:30] Speaker C: You how to navigate your fears and failures without food. And that is such a powerful statement.
[00:15:36] Speaker A: Especially for those of us who are HSPs.
[00:15:38] Speaker C: We have emotional volume knobs that are cranked up and we often feel more.
[00:15:43] Speaker A: And with greater intensity. So talk to us about how food.
[00:15:47] Speaker C: Became your primary coping mechanism around fears and failures. I, I very much resemble that.
[00:15:56] Speaker B: Yeah, well, you were the one who gave me the relief of understanding that I was an hsp because like probably all of your listeners, you know, I condemned myself for so long for this intensity that I had. Not so much externally, like I could keep it together, but inside, man, I was like swaying between a upset toddler and a frightened one. Like, it just, everything felt so out of control and you know, food was reliable. I felt anything but reliable. I couldn't predict how things were going to strike me or where I was going to be or what was going to happen in my life. My family life was a little bit, you know, tumultuous. And my parents were drinking and everything was big and loud and feelings were high and low. I remember coming home and being like, is my dad listening to Jimmy Buffett happy or Jackson Brown sad? Right.
And, and then holding on to the responsibility for all that, like it was too much. And so food was my only place where I just felt a little bit of peace, self care, like I could care for myself that way. And honestly, I'm grateful I had food to control or to soothe myself with because that was like literally the only coping mechanism I had. And then as I learned to be a little bit more gentle with myself, then food didn't become such a necessity. Like I could do the things, I could give myself the space. I could say, no, I don't go out after 7pm yeah, and be okay with it and then find that I didn't need to numb out all of that excess emotion with food. And now that I've learned about that aspect with food, it's become more of a dashboard indicator light in my life where I can know if things are a little bit off. And I'll say body image is in the same sort of realm for me. For someone else it could be like online games or shopping or whatever it might be that kind of gets you. But for me, the food and body image will really heighten when my self care isn't there. And I'm grateful for it now, I really am.
[00:18:23] Speaker C: I think so many people see the food or whatever as the problem.
You're saying it's the symptom of the deeper problem.
And noticing that signal can be a positive as an opportunity to go, oh, little warning light has gone on. It's time to do what needs to be done. Since the food won't actually solve the problem.
One of the things we talk about a lot in the sensitive and strong community cafe you pointed out earlier, coming into the house and noticing what mood. Are you familiar with the term emotion monitoring?
[00:18:55] Speaker B: No, but I'd love to hear about it.
[00:18:57] Speaker C: Well, you can probably guess what it is. It's exactly what you describe. Like we show up in rooms and we're like, do, do, do, do the mood. And I've become aware, increasingly aware that I'll even start little conversations just to hear the person's tone of voice.
[00:19:12] Speaker A: I'm not really interested in what they're saying. I just need to hear what emotion.
[00:19:18] Speaker C: They'Re bringing into the room so that I can then conform or adapt or adjust or whatever. And I think back to, you know, my younger years as a teenager and a 20 something especially.
And yeah, the food was the only thing that I had to help me cope with that level of emotional perception.
[00:19:38] Speaker A: That I was doing and that amount.
[00:19:40] Speaker C: Of emotion monitoring which I was doing for safe what I perceived to be a sense of safety. And so I love, love, love the idea that it can be something that is now self care rather than the only coping skill that you have.
[00:19:53] Speaker A: Okay, so many women struggle with all.
[00:19:56] Speaker C: Or nothing thinking about food. And I know in past conversations you and I have talked about books that we won't name any, but some of them are very popular about completely fasting from certain foods for a certain period of time or only eating this. And this is evil, and this is good, and this is, you know, all of these very extreme.
[00:20:16] Speaker A: Which can feel really.
[00:20:18] Speaker C: They can give us an adrenaline kick to begin with because it feels like we're doing something so real and something so intense when.
[00:20:27] Speaker A: What advice do you have for the.
[00:20:29] Speaker C: HSP woman who's been on the diet roller coaster for years? And she's used to the all or nothing. She's used to the up and down. That feels really familiar. And so anything that's not as much up and down doesn't feel like it's working or doesn't feel like it's right.
[00:20:47] Speaker B: Yeah. And I get that a lot when I'm working with ladies because it's not really exciting to, like, just make these small, sustainable changes. Like, you know, and we. We attach ourselves to things that we say work. Yeah.
And that's the most interesting thing. And I would encourage ladies to consider the definition of work.
How would you define a way of eating working for you? For me, I would like it to last longer than 30 days or 30 seconds, which was where my ability to maintain a diet was toward the end, and to really use that logical mind to step back, get out of your own life, in your own head, like, imagine you or someone else, like a best friend or a daughter or a niece, and see how that way of thinking is working for you.
Like, how's it working? We don't usually give ourselves any space to assess something.
And one of the exercises I have women do in my program is to define what's working, what's failing, what's a success. Like, these are words we've slapped on to so many different actions that we do when it comes to eating. Like, this was a good day of eating, this was a bad day of eating. And it really doesn't help us at all because these are just sweeping statements that we make without any real personal thought into it. And if you're used to kind of the up and down, notice the result. Like, how does it work for me going all in?
Well, my first diet, I went, like, months, and then the next one was, like, a month, and then literally was restarting every single day. And so by the definition of working in my life, that doesn't. And the permission to do less, but to embrace that fact of, like, compounding interest. See, this is like, we're. We're racking up the credit card, right? And yeah, up in debt debt every time our relationship with food gets worse. But if we can take some time to invest in a habit that is sustainable for us, like, I could drink more water every day, like, or I can make a healthier breakfast, or I can go to bed a bit earlier. While not glamorous, and they won't give you that instantaneous dopamine hit, you can really see how the more we acquire new healthy habits, the more it begins to snowball. And for me, the definition of something working is it being so ingrained that I can do it on even a hard day.
The dog chewed the carpet, the washer overflowed, a tire blew up, and yet I'm still prepping my dinner because it's what I do.
So we can give ourselves the time and space to adopt these habits so that they become so ingrained, we don't have to fight ourselves to do them.
Don't have to fight ourselves to make them happen. That's like working to me. And so allow yourself to daydream what that would look like, what would it look like to step away from the extremes and to ask yourself, what do I like to eat? What kind of portions do I like? Are there foods I want to include every day or foods that I never want to eat? And oh my goodness, you will start to get so excited that you finally have permission to do what works for you. And then we begin building upon that success. And dopamine is interesting because, yes, extremes bring it, but also small everyday activities can bring it as well. And one way you can bring dopamine into your new healthy habit practice is by celebrating your successes. So in the past, we would, like, do something good and we'd be like, oh, that's not good enough. Like, we downplay it and we only think about how bad we did. But if you could drink your four glasses of water today or plan that healthy breakfast and you complete it, like, pat yourself on the back, like, do a little jig, like, whatever suits your personality. And that will begin to create a new dopamine loop in your brain that is actually supporting what you want to do. And that's the opposite of everything we used to do with diets. And that's a great way to get started and get out of that all or nothing thinking.
[00:25:20] Speaker C: Okay, just listening to you, I'm so excited. This just sounds so cool. Two years ago, our theme theme in the sense of the Strong Community Cafe was Try Softer, based on the book by Andy Colbert. And so what you're describing is such a try softer approach.
And especially with my writing clients, I'm always saying instead of go big or.
[00:25:38] Speaker A: Go home, start small and show up. And that's kind of what I'm hearing you say.
[00:25:43] Speaker C: And then celebrate it. Because these seemingly small things really are the things that pay off.
And breaking the habit of bashing ourselves for not doing good enough or not doing the big grand sweeping gesture, but celebrating these small things that, that do add up. That's huge. That's absolutely huge.
[00:26:07] Speaker B: We know it logically, right? If you're, if you have a child or grandchild who's learning to walk and they fall down and you're like, oh, you're so dumb. Like, why did you even try? Like, they're just never gonna try to walk again. And we do that to ourselves all the time. But if we are like, oh, good job. Yeah, keep going, keep trying, then they're gonna get up again and they're gonna keep doing better. And treat yourself like a human. Yes. Like every other human that we want to interact with. And encourage yourself to do better. And you will. And it's gonna be a whole lot more enjoyable in the process.
[00:26:47] Speaker A: If this conversation resonated with you, I want to encourage you to pre order Brandice's upcoming book, Fully Nourished.
Fully Nourished is for Christian women who are tired of obsessing over food, weight and appearance and who long for a Christ centered way to care for their bodies without shame.
Even though we know we are fearfully and wonderfully made, many of us have spent years at war with our bodies, tracking calories, cutting food groups, jumping on the latest health trend and wondering why none of it brings lasting peace.
With so much conflicting advice, weight lost and regained, and self blame. When we fall short, we rarely get to the heart of the matter why food became such a struggle in the first place, or why our sense of worth became tangled up in what we eat and how we look.
We focus on fixing the outside, hoping it will change how we feel inside. When true, lasting freedom comes from the inside out, in Fully Nourished, Brandice invites you to step off the exhausting treadmill of dieting and into the freedom Jesus offers. Drawing from biblical truth, sound nutrition and habit building science, she gently shows you how to nourish your body without shame, renew your mind with grace, and build habits that support your health, your peace, and your calling.
This isn't about getting it perfect, it's about finally being free.
You'll find links to learn more about Fully Nourished in the show notes and I can't recommend it highly enough, especially for highly sensitive Christian women.
And if you'd like a gentle place to start right now, Brandice also offers a free seven lesson email series called Faith Is Greater Than Food which is linked in the Show Notes as well.
You can learn more about Brandice and her
[email protected] thank you for listening to Grit and Grace, the podcast for highly sensitive Christian women. I hope this episode leaves you feeling encouraged, equipped to thrive and freed to listen to your one and only God given body.
Be sure to follow in your favorite podcast app and share this episode with a friend.
Now if you're brand new to the whole HSP concept, come take the Am I a Highly Sensitive Person Quiz. You'll find that link in the show notes.
And remember, God created you sensitive. In Christ, you are always strong.
If you're a highly sensitive Christian woman who lives a lot in your head and wrestles with self doubt, especially around your calling and your message, I want you to hear what Brandice had to say about having support along the way.
[00:29:44] Speaker D: Hi, my name is Brandice and I'm the founder of Gracefield Plate and I'm here to tell you about my experience working with the amazing Sherry Gregory. What a wonderful writing coach Sheri was for me. I started working with Sheri when I began to compile my proposal and let me tell you, the nerves and the self doubt that come during that process are so substantial and really crippling in many ways and Sherry talked me through that process, helped me gain confidence that I believe helped me land a book contract. As I stood boldly excited about what it was that I had to present, my efficiency in working with Sheri was through the roof because I didn't stay stuck in my own head doubting myself. She encouraged me with simple tools, how to keep moving forward and how to get my message out to the world. If you're on the fence about hiring a coach, I will tell you it was one of the best decisions that I made. Having someone there to cheer you on, to run your rampant thoughts through so you don't stay stuck in the mud and really keeping you motivated to keep going forward as she's been there herself and she knows what it takes to get published.
I'm also a highly sensitive person and so I live a lot in my own head and my emotions can feel really big and hard to manage sometimes and Sherry knowing that really gave me an advantage because she knew what was going on in my mind and she knew how to calm those fears so that I could keep pressing forward and get done what I needed to get done.
[00:31:08] Speaker B: Thank you, Sheri for being such an important part of my journey.
[00:31:11] Speaker A: If hearing Brandice's story resonated with you and you'd like to explore what support could look like for you and the message God has laid on your heart, you can find full details about my right beside you Unlimited coaching program at sherrygregory.com write that's C-H-E-R-I G-R-E-G-O-R-Y.com WR I T E and of course the link is in the show notes.
