Ep. #300: How to Break the Silence: Moving Past "I Don't Know What to Say"

[00:00:00] Speaker A: When someone we love is grieving, most of us fear saying the wrong thing, so we stay quiet, hoping silence is better than a misstep. But for the bereaved, silence can feel like abandonment. In today's episode, my guest co host Sheri Fletcher and I discuss why connection. [00:00:20] Speaker B: Matters so much more than perfect words. [00:00:24] Speaker A: You'll hear how simple acts like prayers, texts and and thoughtful questions can bring lasting comfort. And you'll discover the power of initiating conversation with empathy and intentionality. Welcome to Grit and Grace, the podcast for highly sensitive Christian women. I'm your host Sherry Gregory. Are you tired of the overthinking, overwhelm and exhaustion that can come with being a highly sensitive person? Are you ready to stop worrying that something's wrong with you and start understanding and nurturing yourself as an hsp? Together we'll build resilience, practice self compassion, set healthy boundaries, unlock your creativity, and learn to embrace, not fight, your God given sensitivity. Let's dig in. Hey friend, I'm so glad you could join me today. One of our greatest strengths as highly sensitive persons is empathy. But when someone we love is grieving, that very empathy can make us freeze up. We don't want to say the wrong. [00:01:42] Speaker B: Thing, we don't want to make things worse. [00:01:44] Speaker A: So we can tend to pull back now. A year ago in episode 279, Sheri Fletcher shared a glimpse into her journey through the uncharted territory of grief after she lost her beloved daughter, Annie Lauren. Today she returns as guest co host to share some of what she's learned in her second year of bereavement. This conversation feels especially meaningful to me right now because just a few days ago I received the heartbreaking news that a beloved friend, Sarah Marie, passed away peacefully in her sleep. If you're a longtime Grit and Grace listener, you may recall the scriptural coloring sheets she drew for each episode. She eagerly served on the manuscript development team and launch team for every book I've co authored, and she was the co founder and Chief Encouragement Officer of the Sensitive and Strong Community Cafe. As those of us who loved Sarah Marie grieve together, I'm so grateful for Sheri Fletcher's perspective and practical tools. Sheri Fletcher and her husband, Todd, moved to Cleveland, Tennessee in 2020 after their unique Covid story led them to leave their longtime home in Washington where they had lived for nearly 30 years together. They are grateful parents of two married sons and their wonderful wives, and they hold close the memory of their cherished daughter Annie Lauren, who passed away in 2023 at the age of 29, Sheri Fletcher is the creator of Beyond. I don't know what to say. Grief communication cards. A gentle way to open the door to conversations that bring connection, comfort, and the chance to share stories that keep memories alive. She she holds a simple but profound belief. Grief is complicated. Communication doesn't have to be. Let me just start by saying welcome back to Grit and Grace. [00:03:45] Speaker B: Sheri Fletcher, I am so glad to have you here with me today as. [00:03:48] Speaker A: My guest co host. [00:03:50] Speaker C: Thank you for having me back. I always love spending time with you. [00:03:54] Speaker A: Aw. [00:03:54] Speaker B: Well, I am greatly honored. So I want to start out with a question for you and I want. [00:04:00] Speaker A: To take you back to when you. [00:04:02] Speaker B: Yourself were podcasting regularly. You had a favorite, favorite opening question that you used to ask. Can you share that with our friends who are listening? [00:04:11] Speaker C: I used to ask my guests, looking back over your life, how far back can you go and see the very purpose that you're living out today in who you have always been? [00:04:21] Speaker B: And that question brought out amazing answers. [00:04:24] Speaker C: Loved them. [00:04:25] Speaker B: But you have kind of shifted this kind of go to question. [00:04:30] Speaker A: What has it become? [00:04:32] Speaker C: Asking myself a lot of times and other grievers I come in contact with. Looking back over your life, how far back can you go to see all of the ways that the Lord himself has walked before you? [00:04:44] Speaker B: I know you started asking this question very early on after Annie passed. So what has this question done for you and what does it continue to do for you? [00:04:55] Speaker C: It continues to show me all of the ways that God has gone and will continue to go before me because he doesn't stop going before me. But very early on, I was able to see all of the people, events, things that had happened, some of them 12 years or earlier. [00:05:18] Speaker B: Wow. [00:05:19] Speaker C: That God had put in place. And we were relying on them now. And just even the fact that he moved us from Washington to Tennessee for our time, we understood it as moving for Todd's job. But if we hadn't moved, we would not have spent the last three years of Annie's life with her and would not have been there when she called, needing to go to the hospital. So even that looking back and going, wow, you know, in 2020, God was saying, hey, you're going to want to move. You're going to want to be here. And just looking at things that that took place, people in my life that are now very pertinent as far as, you know, comfort, and even Annie's friends who are active in my life still. I'm just amazed that God put these people in Place to comfort me. [00:06:14] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh. [00:06:16] Speaker A: All right. [00:06:17] Speaker B: Well, let's dive into what is not an easy topic, but I want to talk a bit about what you've kind of dubbed the silence of GR. [00:06:26] Speaker A: Grief. [00:06:27] Speaker B: So talk to us a bit about the silence that you. Well, I'm tempted to say the silence you heard, but how do you hear silence? So maybe you can even fill us in on what it sounds like and feels like after Annie passed, which we're just past the two year and one month mark, I believe. [00:06:46] Speaker C: One month. Yeah. You know, approaching someone that has gone through an extreme traumatic event is scary, and we don't know what to say. So sometimes people don't say anything. Also, when you get to certain levels in grief, and this is a natural course, so I want to make sure I'm not shaming anybody. This is not shaming. This is just natural. People do move on, as they should. But we're the ones that aren't getting the phone calls from Annie, aren't hearing from her. There's that silence where, you know, I could used to just text her or just call her, and. And, you know, the first year, everyone's making sure you're okay. They're checking on you, they're sending stuff. But the second year, it's kind of like I tell people the fog is lifted and your reality is so clear and everyone else has moved on, but you're still sitting here, and it's just so quiet. It's. [00:07:45] Speaker B: It's. [00:07:46] Speaker C: Sometimes it's like the crickets. And I do have very dear friends, and you're one of them that, you know, check in and text and stuff, but it's. It's different because it's not. Your family is not complete. [00:07:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:59] Speaker C: And so there's just these moments of. Of silence when it's very, very heavy, but also when you're in a room and that someone doesn't want to approach a topic or they'll start talking and then realize, oh, we shouldn't be talking about that, and they shut up. [00:08:14] Speaker B: Give you an example. [00:08:16] Speaker C: Well, you know, Annie is a daughter, and she passed away at 29. And so a lot of her friends are now getting married, and a couple of them are having daughters. And so people all, you know, have been in an environment where they'll want to start talking about their daughter got engaged, and she's planning this wedding, and then. And I don't want them to feel like they can't share that joy, but they feel like, oh, wait, oh. But then there's that silence where everyone's talking about, oh, yeah, my daughter's wedding and then this daughter's wedding and then I don't have that. [00:08:49] Speaker B: Sure. [00:08:50] Speaker C: So there's that silence. And again, this is not a shaming moment. This is a reality. [00:08:54] Speaker B: I hadn't thought of that since I don't live anywhere near you, but I can imagine. So you're saying that people are self silencing. They'll actually start talking about a topic and then go, oh, no, Sherry Fletcher might overhear us or Sheri Fletcher's part of this conversation. We shouldn't talk about this. [00:09:10] Speaker C: And it's not as. I don't think it's something they even think about. [00:09:12] Speaker B: I think it's like a reaction. [00:09:14] Speaker C: Like, oh, or sometimes you, you know, there's that awkward. [00:09:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:19] Speaker C: Because I was, I was, you know, my name, you know, starts with the C. So there's BC before, before Sherry and the. Before Sherry and the after Sherry. [00:09:29] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:30] Speaker C: Where now people are not sure what to talk about. So there are awkward moments of silence in the room or. And I remember what it was like when I hadn't lost a child and someone had. And now I remember both sides. [00:09:42] Speaker A: Sure. [00:09:43] Speaker C: And so I, I have compassion and grace and sometimes I will bring up a topic just to break that silence, but it is. There's a silence there that just hangs. [00:09:53] Speaker B: Yeah. I saw that you shared some pictures on social media recently about a family gathering. And if I remember right, you were at a restaurant and you had a vase with a sunflower that was there. And you know, I thought to myself, oh, of course, this is Annie. And yet it's not Annie. Right. There is a silence in your family conversation where her voice used to be and she's not chiming in to the old jokes and she's not contributing to the conversation in the same way that she used to. So it seems like there's a lot of different types of silence. Yeah. [00:10:31] Speaker C: The whole dynamic's different. [00:10:33] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. You have told me that year two felt harder than year one, and you've kind of touched on that. But I'm, I'm suspecting that many of our friends who are listening, maybe who haven't been through this kind of intense grief might find that surprising. Like, you made it through the year one, now you're over it and you're moving on. So could you give us a few more insights in terms of this year too? Because I think it's really important to understand both as someone who cares for someone who is grieving, to be aware that the Second year and years after could be harder than any of us thought. But then also to be aware for ourselves that when we're in a season of grief, we might want to be aware that relief is not showing up. [00:11:20] Speaker C: On day number 366, year one for us. Annie wasn't married, and so there was a lot of legal work to get access to her things. There was a lot of, you know, you're dealing with the paperwork of the burial. You're making choices that you never had to even think about or prep for. And then you're dealing with the legal aspect. Annie was a singer songwriter, so we had to get legal asset back to her music. Sure. And so you're just dealing with things. You're kind of in this automatic going. You're just going from one event to the next event to the next event, just kind of going. And people are kind of taking care of, you know, you're getting food dropped off or you're getting things done while you're having to make these. And then when that comes to a stop, then you get to sit there and go, oh, now the party's over and I gotta kind of clean up the dishes. Metaphor. But. [00:12:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:17] Speaker C: But also just seems like forever since you've touched them or talked to them or heard their voice, and then you're like, man, I'm just never going to. [00:12:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:27] Speaker C: So you just start sitting and absorbing some of the realities of, you know, things that you're not going to get to do. And again, like I said, watching the friends, her friends that are getting married and having kids and going, wow, I'm not getting. I'm missing out on that as well. And so I think, as is, your body starts adjusting both mentally and physically to the shock, the realities of what. What your life is going to be is harder. [00:12:55] Speaker B: Yeah. It sounds like there's almost a lot of checklists to check off during that first year. And by the end of that first year, many of those have been done. [00:13:05] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:13:05] Speaker B: And you're left with more of that silence and the intensity of the reality. [00:13:12] Speaker C: And also who you are, you're just never that person again. [00:13:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:13:16] Speaker C: And I think what people don't understand is you will never be that person again. And they give you a grace period, but then they want you back. [00:13:24] Speaker B: Gotcha. [00:13:25] Speaker C: And so they'll. So if you were somebody that was the planner, like me, or you were the somebody that came in and jumped in and took over, took control, and then you're not doing that anymore. People are either they. Again, not shaming, they avoid you or they, they move on because, okay, you're not the planner anymore. We're gonna go over here. Or they're like, wait, why aren't you planning. Why aren't you doing this? Why aren't you always do this? Why aren't you? And you're saying, I'm not, I'm just not that person anymore. I still don't have the energy. I, I'm, I'm still exhausted. And so there's this, all these wild dynamics going on that I think people weren't, people were giving you that one year grace period. [00:14:03] Speaker B: It sounds like those who are not the griever have a lot of expectations that we're not aware of. [00:14:10] Speaker A: Right. [00:14:10] Speaker B: And what you're describing is so many more layers of complexity and nuance as opposed to just bouncing back or getting back to who you used to be. So if the silence has not been helpful and the expectation that BC before Sheri is going to suddenly make a reappearance, what did you find and have you continued to find helpful in this whole process? [00:14:38] Speaker C: Understanding my HSP is helpful. Understanding my limitations is helpful. And so understanding when, okay, I'm, I'm going to reach my max and I need to have some things in place where I have healthy silence, when I have quiet, where I don't have people coming at me or asking me or, you know, expecting things from me. So setting up very healthy hedges and understanding my husband's going to need this later this week, I'm going to need this later this week. My two boys and knowing that's really all I have the bandwidth for. And so I'm going to say no to a couple of these things. And just when I have that and I take a walk or I start writing or I start doing something slowly and not being hard on myself, you know, not being like, I used to be able to read a book and now I can read a chapter and I can't even remember what I read. Sure, just having that grace and compassion, but just being okay. Being okay with this is what it is today. [00:15:38] Speaker B: How did before Sherry handle the idea of having limits? [00:15:40] Speaker C: The before Sherry was like, let's go, let's take this on and yeah, we can do this. It sounds good. And then I would hit a wall and I'd be just over overworked, over tired. And now I just don't have that ability and I don't even try and I don't expect that of myself. And I realized, you know, I, I can't take these things on. I, I Will burn out. [00:16:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:06] Speaker C: Grief. They always talk about it as you have these emotional ambushes. And I have to be ready for those because they hit anytime. You have no warning that something's going to hit you. And just a certain sound. We were in Charleston for a wedding, and we were walking downtown, and both Todd and I saw this girl that just looked so much like Annie and we just froze both at the same time. And, you know, these things just happen and you don't know. And so if. If I'm pushing myself to the limits all the time, I just. I won't have any energy to just to get through a day. [00:16:43] Speaker B: So it sounds like you have to be intentional about keeping a reserve so that you can deal with that emotional ambush. Because it is coming. [00:16:53] Speaker C: Yes, it is coming. [00:16:55] Speaker B: Wow. What about things that other people have done? What kinds of things have been helpful from others? [00:17:03] Speaker C: Oh, so many. So many. I'm so. I'm just so blessed. And I have prayer warriors. I have a sweet lady. You know, we lived in Washington for 30 years before we moved to Tennessee. And there's a lady at our home church, and she just has the most beautiful prayers. And if you are on her list every Monday, she. And it's a personal prayer because she will type it out very specific with your name into what's going on. So I know it's not just a cut and paste, and it's a prayer every Monday and it's been for years. And just know and just knowing. And then I have a girlfriend that texts me every single day. No response. No. No expectancy for a reply. That's another thing that's super helpful for grievers is if you understand they. That they sometimes they just can't reply. And she'll text me every day whatever scripture she read that was helpful. And she'll tell me, this helped me through this. [00:17:55] Speaker B: Nice. [00:17:55] Speaker C: Every day. I have had people that just drop off flowers on the porch or just drop off something as they were going by or, hey, I'm at the dry cleaner. I picked up your dry cleaning. Or can I pick up your dry cleaning? Or the questions. We absolutely love to talk about our child because the biggest fear is that, you know, there's going to come a time when people don't think about them. [00:18:18] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:18] Speaker C: And so questions have been awesome. Um, random cards in the mail. Just remembering someone saying, hey, I remembered your daughter today. And I remember this funny story. Those are. [00:18:30] Speaker A: That's the best. [00:18:31] Speaker B: I saw a picture on social media of your front porch. [00:18:34] Speaker C: Oh, yes. Can you share the story of that, yes. There's a verse in the Bible that says, you know, God comforts us in all ways so that we can turn and comfort those in the ways that he has comforted us. And one of the things I do not ever find comfort in is gardening. I just, I'm not a gardener. I kill everything. I just, I don't. It's not something that relaxes me. So I personally am not comforted by gardening. My friend is comforted by gardening and she's fabulous. She's also a decorator as, as you could see. And I'm not a decorator. And so for my birthday she said, hey, if you, you know, buy your pumpkins and mums, I will decorate your porch. But then she also made me go with her to buy more of the mums because we ran out. But anyway, she just did my pots for me, my and decorated my front porch with mums and pumpkins and set it all up. And to me that is the most comforting gift because it's not something I enjoy, but it's something she enjoys. So she finds comfort in that and she turns around and she comforts someone else with that. And so that was huge because now I can sit on my front porch and see pretty little fall display that I didn't have to do. [00:19:51] Speaker B: One of the things I want to move us on to talking about is these beautiful cards that arrived in the mail to me and it's called Beyond I don't know what to say Question cards for those walking with someone they love through grief. So I would love for you to share with our friends who are listening how this whole concept even got started. [00:20:12] Speaker C: Well, I actually have kept every card that someone has written, like not just signed their name but has written something in it. And I also, if someone asks me a question that I have really appreciated being asked, I would keep it in a doc. Like if someone posts on the wall, I cut and paste it into a document. Just everything I can to remember what people have said about Annie or have asked me. And we were coming up on the one year anniversary and my boys were newlyweds. Carson got married one year before Annie passed away and Charlie got married three months after Annie passed away. And with boys specifically, it's kind of hard to try to bring up conversation, to just initiate it or to ask them how's your first year been without your sister just to initiate conversation. I also didn't want my brand new daughter in laws who are so new and then yet this tragic hits them in their first year of marriage. To feel like this was going to be a time of just sadness and heavy and. And, you know, I wanted to make it not so. And Annie would have not wanted that. She would have been like, please don't do this. And my boys like card games. Whenever we get together, we play not. Not just like hard games, but question card games and funny card games. So I started thinking, hey, I'm going to put these questions down on index cards, and I'm just going to put them out on the table, and when we sit down, we'll just pull a card and answer the question. And then they don't. We don't have to think about what to say, what to come up with. And it was just the best thing because they loved it, and it made them think of other stories and other events. And one night, we spent two hours. Wow. Just answering the questions people had asked me. Some are funny, some are a little bit more serious. And then they would remember stories, and it would just go on from there. And at the end, you know, they were like, can we keep. Can we keep these? And pretty soon, I was telling people about it, and they're like, well, I want. I want those cards. I'm like, well, they're just index cards. No, I want. I don't know what to say. And a lot of times people. That's what they say to us, right? I still. I don't know what to say. I thought, well, I started looking online for grief communication cards. We have so many kinds of communication cards out there, and I couldn't find any that were communication starting. I could find some that had little sayings or little quotes or, you know, a little thought for the day to make you feel better if you. If you could, but not. That would start a conversation. And I thought, you know, this is something that when we get together, we could just pull a card and it starts it. But also, it could be for someone like yourself, if you were going to text me or call me or see me, and it just breaks that ice, you could be like, hey, you know, what was it like to teach Annie how to drive? Or is there a secret now that you are safe to share? Or just little questions that start the conversation immediately and just break that. That tension and break that little moment of silence. [00:23:24] Speaker B: The first thing I thought when I got these is, they're bigger than I expected they would be. Like, I thought they were going to be just like a little pack of small playing cards, but it's. I think it's twice the size of that, which I love. I love the size. And then they come in this beautiful box, which is so sturdy. It's like it's going to last 50 years. Like, it's just. It's beautiful. It's got the sunflowers on it. And then the quality of the cards is they're. They're heavy and they're slick. So, like, if I was doing this with a family and we were eating, I feel like if I spilled a little bit of my mocha on it or something like that, I know I could wipe them off easily. And they've got this beautiful black satin ribbon that pulls the little drawer out of the box. When I saw that, I was like. [00:24:06] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh, these are amazing. [00:24:08] Speaker B: So talk to us a little bit about your process of gathering and designing and bringing this all to life, because really, this is a very creative project. And as much as I am sorry for the reason this came together, I'm also in awe of how beautifully it came together. [00:24:28] Speaker A: So tell us how you did all this. [00:24:30] Speaker C: Thank you. I. I have so many boxes of different cards I bought from stores and Amazon because I wanted to feel what you get for each price range and what. How different boxes felt. And I didn't want the playing card. I didn't want that size and that feel. I wanted these to be something that could sit on a table and be used and be passed on if they needed. But I wanted them to be a high quality gift and also a resource. So I did buy so many different. Different. [00:25:03] Speaker B: I shouldn't be surprised, but you did your research. [00:25:06] Speaker C: I did. And so I would feel cards and. And look at the boxes. Did I like the way this box opened? Did I like a magnet flip? You know, all the things. And then my gal that helps me with web design, I mean, once you work with someone, as long as I've worked with her and she knows me, we worked on so many different flower designs. But the thing is, you got to find one that's original because you can't copyright something that's not yours. So that's actually my tattoo on the box. Oh, my goodness. [00:25:36] Speaker B: I didn't. Okay, that's obvious to me now, but I am so glad you mentioned it. That's amazing. [00:25:42] Speaker C: My daughter loved sunflowers. That was her favorite flower. And so my designer, and I'll put her name out there, Angela Bauma. [00:25:48] Speaker B: Angela's amazing. [00:25:50] Speaker C: She took my tattoo and did that. And so we did do constant, you know. Do you like this? Yes. Do you like that? No. Do you? I wanted the look on the. Of the Card itself to be very simple. I didn't want too much on it at all. Just keep it very. Just clean and simple. And then we found a company that. That we could talk to quickly, and that was very easy to work with. And the sweet gal. One day she. She emailed me, and she said, I hope this email does not disturb you. But I. I googled your story, and your daughter is my age, and I'm just. She's like, I'm just so touched by this story and these cards. I've never done a project like this. So I. I thought, well, here's Annie spreading her light, you know, even off into the printing press world. But it was. You know how it goes. A lot of. Do you. You like that? Back, forth, back and forth. But I'm very happy, very happy with them. [00:26:48] Speaker B: So talk to us about the unboxing. You know, when we have a new product, whether it's a book or in this case, a book wouldn't have been the right format. [00:26:57] Speaker C: Right. [00:26:58] Speaker B: So in your case, here, it's these cards. When you got the box and you opened them up for the first time, how did you feel and what did you think of what you saw? [00:27:05] Speaker C: It is crazy. I've always, you know, since I've watched you guys open your boxes of books for years, I've always, like, wondered what that's like. When I saw the boxes on the steps, I was like, oh, my word. Oh, my word. That's them. Like, what are they gonna look like? Like, what are they gonna feel like? Oh, my word. Yeah. Christmas. [00:27:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:21] Speaker C: And, you know, you can't get into them fast enough. And you just kind of first, I just opened the top and just stared at them. I mean, they're better. They're better than any, like, anything I had imagined. [00:27:33] Speaker B: Oh, good. I'm so glad. I am so glad. When I got them, I was like, these are amazing. But I didn't want to tell you that and sound surprised because I didn't want to imply that you wouldn't do something amazing. But, like, they just turned out even better than I could have imagined. So I'm. I'm really glad you feel that way, too. That's so important. That's so cool. [00:27:52] Speaker A: And it turns out that your cards. [00:27:54] Speaker B: Arrived just a few days before you left to go speak at a women's retreat. [00:27:59] Speaker C: Yes. [00:27:59] Speaker B: What was it like to set them up there for the very first time and share them with the women who were coming in to register that Friday? [00:28:07] Speaker C: It was exciting, but I was also very nervous because I knew I would have to like talk about it all the time, what are these for? What are these about? And I'd have to be saying all the time, my daughter passed away. My daughter. So many women had lost children. [00:28:21] Speaker B: Wow. [00:28:21] Speaker C: And in, in the worship atmosphere is just not something that is. There's not an area or a section for them. They're all there to worship. But then there's these moms that are aching, they're just aching for someone to talk to them. And this one mom came up and she was looking at me about it and looking at them and she told me she had lost her son. He was 50 when she lost him. And I just walked over and I said, what was his nickname? And she just started crying and she said, Scoots. And she just told me the whole reason of why he was Scoots. And she's like, I haven't talked about his nickname for decades. And she goes, I hadn't even thought about it. And that's one of the questions in the box. But just, you know, for someone, a mom that gets what it's like to share that, that cute little thing and that her 50 year old son was Scoots. And just for her to share that story, you could see, like. And so many women there just wanted to share about their child. [00:29:22] Speaker B: Yeah. Wow. And I would never have thought. But it makes sense that when we show up to worship, we feel the expectation to bring our, our happy side, our praise, our joy to Jesus. And where is the space for the grief as you've already shared with us? That can feel so isolating. And we feel like we have to stay silent, like it's another, another way that silencing happens with nobody intending for it to happen. But we come in and we feel the expectation that worship only includes this aspect. [00:29:59] Speaker A: How powerful and how wonderful to have. [00:30:02] Speaker B: A seemingly simple question, but obviously you chose just the right one. A simple question, a conversational question, opened up a connection that otherwise could have still been a wall between two people. [00:30:16] Speaker C: Yes, yes. [00:30:17] Speaker B: She felt seen, I think so often when we know somebody's grieving, we want to do the thing for them. We want to bring the, we want to bring the casserole, we want to send the card. We want to. Oh, this book is a good book on grieving, but it's a one and done kind of a thing. And what I'm hearing is that by having a tool to open up conversation, it then creates a connection so the person no longer is stuck in isolation. And I didn't mean to rhyme. We all did. These question cards are not just a here, this is a gift I want to give you or one time. Here, have it. I hope you feel better. These are invitations, really rich invitations to connection. And they're tools for those of us who may not be the griever at this point in time. These are an invitation for us to go. I don't know what to say, but now I do. I have this tool that I can use to open the door to conversation and then the other person can respond to my bid for connection in whatever way is most comfortable for them. So how do you see or have you seen families and friends and even churches using the cards? [00:31:29] Speaker C: I have a pastor that is looking into them. She's going to present them to her church as a ministry. They do like a grief basket for families that have lost a loved one. She's going to present, putting these in it. The women that have purchased them and have emailed me back or have called have just said, these are amazing. It makes it not so scary because I know approaching me is scary and now it's like I'm not as scared. And it makes opening up that door to communication seem a little bit more normal. [00:32:02] Speaker B: To go from I don't know what to say to this feels like something I could say is a huge, huge gift that you are giving all of us. So appreciate it. What would you love to leave our friends who are listening with, with this whole topic of how to break the silence moving past? I don't know what to say. [00:32:25] Speaker C: Well, I tell people grief is very complicated, but communication shouldn't be. And I'm hoping that these questions make it less scary on all parts. Less scary for the grieving family to open up and share and also for someone that's approaching us to be less nervous about saying the wrong thing and, and then turning around and not saying anything. So I'm just hoping that grief is not scary and that communication becomes more normal. [00:32:59] Speaker A: If you've ever felt that ache of wanting to comfort someone but not knowing quite how, Sheri Fletcher has resources that will help. In addition to the beautiful conversation cards we discussed, Sheri Fletcher has also created something brand new. It's called Comfort in the Silence. A five day reflection on walking with grief. Day one, when words fail, God hears even the cries we cannot speak. Day two, remembering together stories that keep love alive. Day three, the gift of presence, how simply showing up can heal. Day four, permission to grieve, giving yourself space to feel. And day five, hope beyond the silence, the comfort God gives us to share with others. Simply subscribe to Sheri Fletcher's email list and you'll receive Comfort in the Silence, a five day reflection on walking with Grief. This email series will bring you comfort, hope, and gentle reminders that you are not alone. Plus, you'll receive a special Coupon code for 10% off any order of her grief communication cards. Simply go to sherifletcher.com that's C H E F L E T c h e r.com to sign up. Thank you for listening to Grit and Grace, the podcast for highly sensitive Christian women. I hope this episode leaves you feeling encouraged, equipped to thrive, and inspired to break the silence and start a conversation. Be sure to follow in your favorite podcast app and leave a review. Now, if you're brand new to the whole HSP concept, come take the Am I a Highly Sensitive Person? [00:34:44] Speaker B: Quiz. [00:34:45] Speaker A: You'll find that link in the show notes. And remember, God created you sensitive in Christ, you are always strong. [00:35:00] Speaker B: So I had the privilege of coaching you as you developed the four messages that you gave at the recent women's retreat. [00:35:06] Speaker A: Because the clock was ticking, I didn't. [00:35:08] Speaker B: Have time to, like, tiptoe around. I had to go through and mark up each of your messages with comments and track changes. And my My Loom videos where I go through and walk and talk through the whole thing. Those were long. Like, you got the full Sherry Gregory coaching, like from the fire hydrant instead of the gentle approach. And all of that was happening while you were approaching the second anniversary of losing Annie Lauren. And as you've already shared with us, the second year is harder than the first. I just want to ask you, how did you do it? Like, how did you handle getting such candid feedback from your writing and speaking coach during such a hard time in your life? [00:35:48] Speaker C: You're someone that can speak into me with pure love because you have all the way along. Before Annie, you spoke into me with love. Your coaching has always been from a place of, you know, wanting me to be better, wanting me to be the best. Not about you. When you're and I don't like to say critique. I always say when. Okay, questions of clarification when you ask for clarification, I know it's not because I'm bad, like, oh, she's a terrible writer, or oh, I can't believe she would write this terrible thing. It's because you want me to grow. You want me to be the writer that I'm hoping to be. And that's how you've been all along. And so when a Moment of crisis comes in, and when I need. I needed something fast. I needed you. To be frank, I didn't. I needed you to be like, no, on this. Yes on this. I accepted it because I needed it. I know that you invest in your clients, and if they're coming to you, it's because they want to grow. They're not coming to you for, you know, a little smoothie. They're wanting to grow. They want meat. They want substance. And so if that's what they're coming for, then that's what they deserve. And you give your clients what they deserve. And I needed that. Even though I was going through a really hard time. [00:37:02] Speaker B: What was it like giving those messages? [00:37:03] Speaker C: There were moments when I, you know, stopped to just kind of collect myself and. But I felt really good because they are the messages that God has given me by using my own question. Looking back on your life, how far back can you go? These were messages that have been a part of my life, the messages that God wants me to share. And that's how people will relate to me when I can realize that this isn't about me. I'm leaning not on my own understanding, and I'm doing what God has called me to do. I just pray God, let them hear what you want them to hear. Let me get out of the way. Giving the messages. I felt. I felt very confident in the coaching I had, in the feedback you had given me. And you. Even the one you made me completely rewrite from scratch. I did. I forgot. Yes. I even told my friend that came with me because I was practicing on her the night before. I said, my coach. This is one that I had completely written. And my coach said, and this is one you were gentle with me on. You said, but you know what? It's because you knew. You're like, I'm not. I don't know if this is really. I don't know. This isn't what I'm feeling from you. And you were right. You were right. And I just. I wasn't wanting. There was a vulnerable part of me I wasn't wanting to share. There was a vulnerability part of me I wasn't wanting to expose. And I was kind of just wanting to give them a little fluffy. A little fluffy part of it and be like, oh, here you go. And you're like, no. So a coach knows that, and they want you to give your best, and they want you to grow as you're doing it. Because if you aren't growing with your coaching and your message writing, you're not going to have something sustainable, you know. [00:38:51] Speaker A: Coaching isn't just about sharpening sentences and perfecting punctuation. It's about discovering and developing your voice. If you're longing for a coach who sees both your message and your heart as an hsp, I would be honored to work with you through the Right Beside You Unlimited Coaching program. You'll get compassionate honesty, creative clarity, and the courage to share the message that God has entrusted to you. For details, head to sherrigre.com write that's w r I T E or click the link in the show Notes.